yes yes.

have you ever thought such things as is this worth my time? will i ever be remembered?? do people actually care or is it an act? i usually think that, but not in a emo weird way. i'm happy i have friends and everything, (and i'm not saying i'm perfect no doubt) but idk i feel kinda MIA, or like i'm just unwanted. i'm so anti-social... haha but i mean i guess its my fault for not trying to hang out with people.. but do people want to? i always contradict my own thoughs. hm... but yeah i'm excited to graduate, cuz when i do my life starts to its full potential. no more having to go to school with people who actually don't care, people who care about the weirdest things or think being so cool... is cool. ah idk blah blah. i'm suppose to be doing chem.. chem is depressing i HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE chemistry. AH! and another thing haha, frick you know that feeling wehre you know you love your friends but sometimes you feel like friends just use you as a reference or a tool? frick! thats messed up though.. they're my friends and i should just help them out.. but idk. anyways irrelevant. CHINA!!!!--> its gonna be so different and ahh i cant wait cuz i know i'm going to China for the right reason and right purpose. i mean i <3>hm.. what else, yeah thats it.. idk i'm preoccupied now.. haha byeeeeee

SCHOOL! AH!

sooo i forgot my laptop at school today... i freaked out so bad cuz my dad got mad as well, but thankfully my friend was last out of class and saw a laptop with a sticker (mine) so i feel really chill :) i kinda knew it would be there.. but just incase i prayed to God haha.

currently going on in my life hm:

- SAT studying...

- CHINA MISSIONS!

- DECA!!! (i hope i make it to nationals.. that would be legit)

- DECA chapter president (to be :D)

things i need to think about:

- college (next year everything will be set)

- start driving..

- get a good gpa

- try to get another 4.0!

- hm.. learn things as a person, as a student, as a Christian.

_____________________________________________________

something i've noticed lately, but yet still not fully understanding, is how great God is.

its so cliché to say, i know, but have you actually really thought about it? a God who picks someone like myself to represent him!? like there are so many other people that (could be)/(are) doing something awesome in God's glory, but for God not just picking the next person points to me and says, " yo brian... chill yo grill and do my will yooo" like dang.. it just shows me everyday. just preparing me for anything that comes in my way, God constantly nails the mentality of watch what you do, rebuild that foundation, get to know me, do your QT's, and so on. man i'm just so glad that i have God :) like seriously, things may not be going so hot for me right now, but why freak when you got Big G yadadamean?? haha yeshh :)

like today, my neighbor came back from korea a few days ago, and she's friends with my mom, buttt she was talking about how her father was in the ER and the doctors were like oh he's gonna live, oh he's not gonna, oh he's struggling right now, oh he's doing better . and then she gets a phone call saying he doesn't have much time to live, but later turns out the surgery that he was in was a success and they got the story mixed up (how great would you feel if you were that doctor) but yeah, that family prayed so hard and said " you know what Jesus, if its your will, then take him, but if you leave him here with us, well thank you in that way too :) "

idk, i think i should live more of my life seizing the day rather than just wasting a precious day i could've spent talking to God, playing outside, get to know a new person, yah know??

yeah.. but anyways i hope whoever reads this has a great day, week, month, w/e it is haha, have a FAB DAB! haha :) OH MY ITS MARCH ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!

pursuing life.

how to start this.. its been a long time i think haha. frick i forgot about blogging. hm.

well recently, things have been very interesting.. more complicated rather than interesting. what does everyone want in life?? what is something everyone wishes to have and substitute it with other meaningless things in life? usually happiness i'm guessing... well yeah i'm confident thats waht people want. money, cars, clothes, relationships, and other things you may do to get away from reality is because you want to be happy. seriously though is it necessary? do you really need 300 dollar shoes? a million clothes that you dont even wear? frick i'm not saying i dont do that, but where's the line we draw when we say you know what, that was so last year and try to make the best of our lives with what we have? always complaining, always wanting someone there, always something. and on top of that you probably have to listen to others who want their problems to be solved. no doubt listening to friends is how you know they are your friends but have you ever felt like it was so much you can't handle the expectations those around you have for you? man its hard. but that what being a good friend/family is all about. being there for one another. i know i've been busy with my life i've lost care for a lot of people in my life, a bunch of specific people, and if they read this i hope they know i'm sincerely sorry that i've been so arrogant, selfish, and just caught up in the moment i haven't ben a good brotha to those around me. lets try to always listen.. lets just be a good family to one another. i'm gonna to do so as well.

life.

first review of 2010

haha i came on blogg after not being on for awhile and i thought of all my past blogs.. how bipolar can people get!?!? then i see mine and i say oh.... haha but anyways, a lot has improved :) life is such a roller coaster though, like how high life can get and how low it can get as well. those little things that bother you in a day are like little bumps. haha idk but lately, i've been going up higher! last week my pastor gave a very thoughtful sermon about fearing God. in the sense that we fear God because He is a necessity in our lives. like water, we dont ever fear water.. but if you actually think about it we should. without water, we die and we are very thirsty in the process. Without God is the same idea, without God, we dont know His love, his glory, and every word there is possible to desrcribe God and even then, is too short to what God gives/will give us.  this year is so far set in the right course for sure. i've got that in my head, kind of what i'm living off of this whole year, fear God (fear the abstinence of God). This makes me do my QT's and i actually enjoy doing my devotionals.  it helps me to focus on 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 being " ¹⁶Be joyful always; ¹⁷pray continually; ¹⁸give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." how blessed are we from that!? i didnt really understand it when my friend showed me that :) i mean i dont FULLY  get that yet. but man i'm getting closer, HOW MUCH FUN IS IT KNOWING MORE ABOUT STUFF IN THE BIBLE!? close reading and analyzing what it says!?!?!?! ahh ahha. brings it back to ap lit though.. i dun rike ap lit..  but my point is that man. i'm ready for this year, its a year of change! to better myself! to learn my faults to to correct them. learn about inner love than outer, and NOT to misuse the word love, because its taken too lightly and love is such a powerful emotion. but yeah, great year so far :) and i'm ready to get this year goin!

2010...

wow.. 2009 is over. but everytime new years comes around, everyone says that right? so much time to remember. what a life changing decade.. 2009 in general though, so much memories. the beginning of the year sucked, later met such beautiful people i constantly forget about how beautiful they are... got to know them during such a fun summer of just leisure and fun, 4.0 :), retreats, going back to school, and just getting to know many people so much better, i feel this crowd is the right crowd. The last days of 2009 i spent with my church friends. i never really understood anyone, thinking wow its gonna be a drag going with everyone cuz they're all boring and just lame. forreal dont judge a book by its cover. everyone around me looks to be a certain way but man its totally different when you get to know them. i'm really glad God has blessed me with my friends. i truly do and i hope all my real friends, if you do read this i hope you know i love you and i really do appreciate, to the point i would cry if you were out of my life and i know that you played such an important role in my life and thank you for making me feel so wanted and a part of a society and not ostracizing me and just always welcoming me to everything. you my true friends are why i think day and night about things i should improve, things i loved about my day with you, how much i miss you, how much i wanna just spend more time with you and get to know you even more. i love you my true friends :)

this year has officially started roughly 12 hours ago so now its time for those resolutions i've been wanting to do for awhile haha

NEW YEARS RESOLUTION...

- kinder to others

- concentrate on school

- make this year count

- other stuff... haha :)

anyways to everyone..

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the bigger picture.

whellllllll, its almost christmas... yay? i was/kinda am (but not as much) not looking forward for christmas this year. then i watched the christmas banquet skit thing. and man dont think i was too materialistic this year but still think i was materialistic. i never ask for anything or look for anything from people most of the time, but even having that thought mentality is whats messed up i guess.. does the thought of me being a little more selfless make me more judgmental to believe i could possibly be better than everyone? but then when i think about that beat up myself? do these ideas i have in my head make me feel ostracized from people or am i really being ostracized? overall does the matter? haha idk. i feel like i get TOO caught up in the moment and my views of everyone and everything. but everything happens for a reason right? like you're a robber and you steal constantly, but then you see a family who live as homeless people and see a simple 20 bill fall from a man's pocket and sees them return it to a person. the robber would probably think why would a family without money and home give the money back to a man who seems to be well off in life? cuz he at least has integrity and the morals to know not to be tempted into stealing such earthly things. i'm pretty sure i'm not into christianity right now but i still believe in God and i htink its time to set up my own morals based off of my life and off of what God wants, get the connection going again, especially with the thought about the meaning of christmas, is it presents or Jesus? minusing out the church answer, but realistic what do i care for more right now and what do i want to do if i want to change that. yeah thats it haha, merry early christmas