3 days since summer

man schools finally over... i'm so happy ahh :) i'm glad i can just use this as a little journal now. haha too lazy to post up the url and just feel like this is just me talking to myself. hahaha i'm too lazy to write.. whateves haha :)

man with school starting only for 3 days, this whole week has been kinda bummer week :\ had to sparknote and desperately find out what my summer readings were about, no more hanging out as much, having to go to school, not seeing people anymore, and not having a lot of my time devoted to God, just makes a lot of things complicated. i love being optimistic and happy but man i feel so helpless, weak, low, lonely, unwanted, gross, and just what am i doing with my life right now? am i making the right decisions or am i just frickin being selfish? what keeps people always looking happy? is it a cover up? is it just a pitiful way of just saying hi to you because they don't know what else to do then just ignore you? its hard to try to be close and help people when we all got our walls up. no matter how open we are, we all have those boundaries that we try to make no one pass, but how do people help others when the boundary for that specific person is very close to just not telling that other person about themselves? just lose so much hope and just.. makes me think about who really believes i would be there for them, or who do i think will always be there for me, yah know? maybe people just dont wanna listen to me talk about whats going on or idk. but frickin not doing so hot. yeah :\ i feel very alone cuz idk if people get this...yeah but i think this year is gonna be a challenge... i really miss summer :(