uselessness.

the more days go by i feel so.. useless, i feel like i'm invisible to everyone, like i'm not there and i probably don't belong anywhere. inside i cry for some happiness and those friends that i can always talk to and hang out with, but honestly i'm invisible to my "friends". maybe i'm not trying hard enough but i don't understand why people just decide to make plans infront of your face and not even say anything to you. i feel like a third wheel everywhere. church, school, and family. i don't fit anywhere right now. church i dont even talk to people, school i'm just invisible, and family i always fight. i've been praying so much about this and what not and i've tried no matter what people may say to me, i HAVE tried and you dont know me enough to say i haven't.. why do i have to work so hard to just have a friend? it makes me look so low and desperate and i am but i can't communicate or connect with anyone and if i do it never works out and i end up just being at the same place or feeling crappier about myself because honestly i'm nothing great and i feel like everyday in my life is a reminder of that. i dont think i'm a bad person, but do i need to be good at something to be acknowledged even at the slightest? idk why God put me in such a situation where i don't really have friends and no money. is it God saying i shouldn't hang out? is it saying i shouldn't have friends because frick i'm tired of people talking to me if they always have a problem and maybe my friends feel that about me but honestly i've never asked a lot from  most of my friends.  i honestly hate life right now and all this expectation crap i have to go through with this family. what does it take kind of thing. do i have to do something dramatic? how far will i push myself? i'm so confused. and screw the oh thats what every teen thinks crap cuz i'm me. please if you really aren't my friend stop making me hope to become friends with you and just stfu and go away......