faking, cheating, repetition

being a pretending christian is hard, making people think you ACTUALLY still have that same strong faith in God, still seeing him as your primary input in your life that results in you're "wise" decisions. going to school where people have you think that you're this ideal person who has morals and standards that you aren't trying to mess up, but in reality your rational mind tells you what to do, falling in the rational mind of the world. such wickedness in a once beautiful world. falling to the worldly temptations, ambitions not necessarily for God. after that you say you don't have time for God but you somehow manage time to multitask with facebook taking up most of the time, youtubing videos that have nothing to do with you, just wasting more time, till you pressure everything till the end. even going on this blogger thing at 11:55, 5 minutes before 12 o'clock, when normal people sleep. after you notice it. what do you do? you realize but you don't take the initiative to act off of that. i'm not saying i follow the word, or saying how to act. but i notice this a lot in me then look for empathy leading to DC's which are great but what's the point.. its frustrating... i'm trying to change but change is hard. giving up so easily then going back to the worldy views is so much easier and i keep doing so. is there a way to break out of this repetitive schedule of praising God, being challenged, then just giving up.. but then have the spiritual fire in you get poured with God's oil, reignite your fire into a spiritual inferno.. of course people say you just gotta try. Today i learned about how God allows struggles so that we may hunger and search for God, fulfilling the summarization question of the new testament, "Where are you God?" i guess i haven't been struggling enough to ask that question and seek God. hard times right now, and who can i turn to? partially questioning the powers of God, going to the next closing thing to me which is family, but everyone's busy. so who can i turn to? friends? hard to pick out even those friends.. Note to myself, Brian you're struggling... step it up